By Will ("The Thrill") Viharo

THRILLVILLE BEAT

By Will "the Thrill" Viharo

THIS MONTH:
THRILLVILLE: PARTY OF ONE! WACKY WEEDHEADS! SLAPSTICK SHENANIGANS! & THE SEVEN YEAR THRILL!

MY DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE (?)

As promised last month, an hour or so after I heard Howard Dean dropped out of the race, I went right to the Post Office and re-registered as an Independent. Or so I thought. It felt great, because I felt truly Independent. Now my politics were like my movies - isolated, obscure, and on their own in a world that ignores them. Or so I thought. You see, I checked the "Independent American Party" box, thinking that's what you picked when you wanted to be non-partisan. My web master, Michael DeWeil, who is responsible for all the cool links herewith every month, sent me the link to the American Independent Party's national web site, and also California's. I was HORRIFIED! I felt like I'd just signed up with the Nazi wing of the Ku Klux Klan! The are NOT independent at all - they have this rigidly right wing fucked up conservative platform, at least fucked up by my standards, and those are the only standards I want to answer to from now on. That's the whole point of dumping the wimpy, waffling Demos, whose mainstream-pandering core no longer represents my interests. So I immediately went out and RE-re-registered, choosing "OTHER" and writing in as my unofficial party of choice: "THRILLVILLE." A party of One, which is how I will vote from now on.

Then, on Voting Day, March 2, I dutifully went down to the local ballot box and lo and behold, there was my man Howard Dean! I mean on the ballot. So at least I got to vote my conscience. As a silent "fuck you" to Arnold the Arrogant I also voted No on Props 57 and 58, knowing full well they would pass and make him one happy barbarian anyway. Not with my help, at least. I say Tax the Shit Out of the Evil Corporate Rich, those selfish greedy bastards, but who listens to me? Nobody. Certainly not the wealthy, anyway, who don't even know or care people like me even exist, except maybe on the lunatic fringe of society, where I am quite comfortable, thank you.

Down at the polling place, I asked this cool looking American Indian dude how I was registered, since I might've caused confusion with my conflicting re-registration cards, sent literally one day apart. I told him about how I re-registered with the American Independent (Nazi) Party by accident, then re-re-registered the next day as "Other: Thrillville," but he said I could only declare myself a member of a fourth party if it was officially registered as a political entity. I was still registered as a Demo, as it turned out. Good enough for now, I said. So after casting my worthless but conscientious ballots for one presidential candidate no longer in the running and two cyborg-sponsored budget measures sure to pass without my support, I re-re-RE-registered as Decline To State. I'll find out in the Fall when they send me my voting stuff if they got it right.

I think Kerry has a solid chance of beating Bush, by the way. He looks, acts and sounds more and more presidential every day, while Bush is getting that lame duck aura his old man had back in '91. (I still think Kerry is an undead ringer for that decapitated zombie professor walking around carrying his own head in Re-Animator - but if he can re-animate the economy, civil liberties and our standing in the world, here's my vote for President Re-Animator!) Of course, if that wild card Bin Laden is already in a secret holding tank waiting to be unveiled as a special guest at the Republican Convention, we might be looking at four more years of oppressive domestic terrorism disguised as patriotism. Goodbye to gay marriage, abortion, a clean environment, a job-making economy, international good will and civil rights in general if the unthinkable happens. I'm choosing to be optimistic, though, meaning, yes, I hope they don't find Osama before November. Not worth it. We'll be no safer if he's in our captivity anyway, since, like Hussein, it will be largely a symbolic "victory," though in fact, his capture and/or death will make him an eternal martyr for all the legions of Muslims who already hate us, and their passionate resolve to destroy us will only be enflamed. If we really want to feel more secure in these touchy times, as a nation we need to take our responsibility as Leader of the Free World a lot more maturely, with less arrogance and more understanding and compassion. Step One in That Direction: Get Rid of Bush. Now that's what I call Sending A Message!

Ralph Nader is an egotistical asshole. But I always thought that. He makes some good points, but his slovenly, twitchy-eyed mad doctor appearance hardly inspires confidence in his ability to lead an eclectic nation. I won't blame him if we lose this November, though. I'll blame the suckers who vote for him. I'm not coo coo about Kerry either, but Bush has gotta go, no question about it. Just like in 2000 and every other election year, you got two clear choices this November, people, deal with it.

W. wants to make Gay Marriage the key issue of his re-election campaign, since running on his record regarding his lies about the war and his bungling of the economy are soft spots, to say the least. Now he wants to rally his troops against the NEW enemy: HOMOS GETTING HITCHED! And he wants to do it with a Constitutional Amendment. That is really, really sick. What happened to Republicans who don't think the Government should interfere too much with citizens' lives? What happened to the conservative viewpoint that the Constitution, whether you like it or not, is set in stone? Personally, if you want to "preserve" the "sanctity" of our marriage institution, I think there should be a Constitutional Amendment against STUPID, INSIPID REALITY TV SHOWS THAT NOT ONLY MAKE A MOCKERY OF MARRIAGE BUT INSULT BASIC HUMAN INTELLIGENCE! I mean, why isn't anyone protesting these ridiculously popular TV programs where greedy bitches, shallow assholes, and poor dwarves make a complete farce of the whole idea of marriage FOR MONEY???!!! This culture is really, really, REALLY fucked up, man! At least from my humble perspective.

Beyond that particular amendment, which will never happen because above all else, this society worships the rule of the Almighty Buck, if two people of the same sex want to make a go of it, why the hell not? If "you" have a problem with it, it should stay just that - your problem. "You" have no right to make it someone else's problem, especially if they choose not to acquiesce to your religious or moral beliefs. My definition of Fascism is one group forcibly, through rule of Law of act of violence, imposing their ideology on another, and in so doing, interfere with another individuals right to pursue Happiness without harming anyone else in the process. If you are against Gay Marriage, even if you are a friend of mine, I consider you a Fascist. Just like the morons who opposed inter-racial, inter-religious and inter-monster marriage fifty years ago have now been revealed to be bigoted boneheads. Those are your people. They are not welcome here in the Thrillville Party, where ALL PEOPLE ARE FREE TO MARRY AND MESS UP THEIR OWN LIVES AS THEY SEE FIT!!

Governor Schwarzenegger (I will never be able to think or say or write that with a straight face) recently said he feared riots and violence in the wake of the peaceful gay marriages in SF. That's a supremely idiotic statement, but I never expect anything more from him. Arnie did sort of back-peddle on Leno, but if he ever wants my respect, and I'm sure he couldn't care less if I live or die, he needs to make a strong stand somewhere other than the Middle and stop sending all these mixed messages. I'm glad that he is against a constitutional amendment, but then so are many conservatives. Gavin Newsome, on the other hand, is the bravest, most principled man operating in American Politics today. Kerry, Edwards, take note.

AM I HIGH, OR HAS IT BEEN SEVEN YEARS ALREADY?

Yes, indeed. Thrillville started out as "The Midnight Lounge," a weekly midnight cult movie showcase every Saturday at The Parkway, exactly seven years ago this month. It's been one wild ride, one in which I've made many friends (and thanks to my Ocean's 11 protest, enemies), met my wife The Tiki Goddess, shown hundreds of my favorite B movies to appreciative audiences of all shapes and sizes, and even inspired my own theme song, "Thrillville," due out this month from The Moon-Rays (www.moon-rays.com) on their second album, "The Ghouls Go West." I am marking the occasion with a screening of the all time cult classic REEFER MADNESS, the notorious, hysterical '30s expose of the marijuana scourge, at The Parkway on April 8 (less than a week after we return from Mexico with my authentic Santo mask and cape). Also on the thrill-bill will be a shit-load of ultra-cool vintage drive-in movie trailers from Uncle Bill, who will be co-hosting the show two weeks later on April 22, UNCLE BILL'S FUNNY NITE, featuring his collection of short 35mm films starring Abbott and Costello, The Three Stooges and Laurel and Hardy, plus more slapstick surprises. Once Speakeasy Theaters expands its operations to include a new theater in El Cerrito next year, I'll be hosting Thrillville at two different East Bay venues. I'm tired just thinking about it. But it'll be fun, plus the Cerrito Speakeasy will hopefully have a state of the art projection booth enabling me to show rare archival vault 35mm prints and 16mm, too. As The Chairman once sang, backed up by Count Basie, "The Best is Yet To Come."

Now I even have an official Thrillville blessing, debuted off the cuff at a recent show where I "married" two lesbian vampires on stage in a hasty ceremony, certified by a Lesbo Pulp refrigerator magnet: "IN THE NAME OF THE HOLY TRINITY, FRANK, DEAN AND SAMMY: I BLESS YOU WITH HAPPINESS. NOW, GO AND SIN SOME MORE!"

NEXT MONTH:
CHILIEAN CHILLS & NAUTICAL UNDEAD NAZIS!