By Will ("The Thrill") Viharo

THRILLVILLE BEAT

UPDATE/PS NOVEMBER '06:

I won't be writing a totally new column until early '07, in time for my Big 10^th anniversary, but here are some more recent, timely thoughts:

ON THE RECENT ELECTIONS: Democrats should not be gloating - they only won because the Republicans screwed it up so badly (and sucked a lot of drug-fueled cock in the process, apparently). There's no true, pure integrity on display anywhere in Congress that I can see. Let's see if the Demos can break their recent track record of likewise, uh, "blowing" it now that they have the power to actually make a difference. I'm not holding my breath. We're still a conservative nation on the surface, if a liberal one at the core, so don't expect any major social sea changes any time soon. I admit, I was happy on November 8, watching all those arrogant fucks go down one by one, but that euphoria quickly melted back into my normal skepticism. The reality is most politicians suck, period. They lie, they cheat, they kiss corporate ass and they do anything to save their own careers. I really feel our hopes for a better tomorrow lie in the well-balanced, socially capable hands of Barack Hussein Obama (gotta love the irony of that name!), the smartest mofo in politics right now. I just hope some radical redneck doesn't take a shot at him because of his racial makeup. (If they can protect Bush, then can protect Obama, though.) Besides being incredibly well-spoken, fair-minded and intelligent (wow, wouldn't that be an abrupt switch from the current White House occupants!), Obama has taken a firm stand on the war: he's against it, and wants it stopped, NOW. If the Dems don't nominate him for '08, and go with Hillary, who flip flips with the breeze, it proves they're just as status quo as their alleged rivals across the aisle. If they want my respect, and I'm an Independent, they need to stop equivocating and just fucking end the insanity of the Iraq War. If not, more people will continue to die for no real reason other than political cowardice. SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM HOME NOW.

ON THE OAKLAND A'S MOVING TO FREMONT: I keep telling lifelong A's fan Monica Tiki Goddess she needs to end her abusive relationship with this team. All modern sports franchises are only about money - not their fans, not their "hometowns," not even sportsmanship. The players and the teams go where the cash is, and there's never enough - already getting paid millions to throw a ball around, funded by the sweat of the working class who support them, and they still bitch. Greed is their creed. FUCK 'EM. Monica's devout loyalty to the A's is unrequited. But I'll support her addiction because she doesn't care that I watch so many zombie movies, which she sees as being likewise unhealthy. Zombies love me back, though...

ON RACE, RELIGION AND THE RECENT "KRAMER" FLAP: Cut Michael Richards some slack. Deep down if you press the right button on anyone, a racist will pop out, I don't care how bleeding heart liberal you claim to be. Why? It's tribal instinct. If not race, it's sports. If not sports, it's religion. If not religion, it's nationalism, or regionalism, or sexism, or classism, or homophobia whatever the fuckism. We'll always find a way to divide ourselves from each other until we rise above our primal fears of The Other, which will take much more collective time and effort on our parts. There's no excuse for this behavior, and we expect more from an intelligent person, especially a famous one, right or wrong, but nobody is a moral machine. ALL of the people publicly criticizing "Kramer" so vociferously probably have more than a few skeletons in their own closets they'd rather not see exposed. (What if "Kramer" had instead called some gay hecklers "faggots"? You think the public outrage would have been nearly as severe? You think anyone would've been saying Richards' career was over? You think Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton or the black community at large would've given a shit? Think about the hypocrisy here.) Richards' outburst was certainly not acceptable, especially in a public forum, but forgivable if taken in context. I watched his tearful, heartfelt apology on Letterman (he should've just said, "Look away! I'm hideous!") Even wiseass Jerry was moved to tears. The guy is not trying to justify his rage, he's trying to make amends. That's more than a lot of rich, arrogant people will do (like Bush) in the face of their fuckups. Richard's on air contrition seemed a lot more sincere to me than the slick whitebread commentators so quick to condemn his career. The media (and public) are all a bunch of hypocritical jackals drooling for the downfall of anyone in the limelight. It's called ENVY. Again, all this cyclical crap comes down to basic human nature - disgusting, but that's what we are, deal with it.

Ironically, before this incident I actually had some respect for Jesse Jackson, from what little I knew about him. Sure he's an adulterer, despite his religious beliefs to the contrary - again, none of my business. He bravely spoke out on important issues, that's all that mattered to me. Then after publicly lambasting "Kramer" for the infamous outburst, as everyone expected him to do, he invited "Kramer" on his radio show, ostensibly so the poor bastard could apologize (again), field tough questions, take the heat, then everyone could finally just move on. It was like an on air therapy session. But to what end? What was the point?

The next day Jackson comes out and tells everyone to boycott Seinfeld, (fat chance), totally missing the point of the show, which actually poked fun at both racism and political correctness on a regular basis, painfully exposing foibles common to all us, regardless of background. Remember the episode where Kramer was dating a black chick and accidentally fell asleep under the tanning lamp before meeting her parents? Or the one where George kept trying to prove he liked black people? Or when Jerry was dating the Indian babe and kept tripping over himself not to accidentally offend her? So what if none of the principals were black - they had a lot of black guests and extras, as well as Asians etc., and how many white people were on The Bernie Mac Show? Who gives a shit? As Jerry said in another episode where he bought a chocolate/vanilla cookie at a bakery, comparing it to racial harmony: "Look to the cookie, Elaine."

"Kramer" may have permanently damaged his professional reputation with his ill-conceived diatribe, but the Rev really blew all his credibility with this incredibly stupid stunt. For one thing, "Kramer" is only part of the ensemble that makes that show click. No matter - I guess the Rev wanted to burn all the Jews associated with the one who slandered some guy he never met. What was the idea behind having "Kramer" repeatedly apologize to Jackson's radio audience if it was just going to be thrown back in his face? Clearly there was some underlying self-serving agenda here, cynically capitalizing on the situation rather than seeking a true social solution to the root of the problem. Calling for a boycott of something that has nothing to do with the incident directly only enflames the rift it caused. It seems the Jews - including the ones behind Seinfeld, like Larry David and Jerry himself - forgave Jackson for referring to Jews as "Hymies" and New York as "Hymietown" back in the 80s. Too much to expect the same understanding in return? And isn't this guy religious? Didn't Jesus famously say "turn the other cheek"? What about the "power of forgiveness"? I just do not get these religious types, never have, never will. At least as many people have been killed in the name of religion as racism, and no one is calling for an end to that, are they? Some who refuse to accept "Kramer's" many sincere apologies (without throwing in any phony excuses, like alcohol) point to the "power of words." So even though "Kramer" didn't actively attempt to lynch anyone, the fact that he referred to it was bad enough. Okay, fine. But still, ultimately: just words. What about the power of these words: "I'm sorry"? Words should be granted equal power. The Rev suddenly called for the end of the word "nigger" in all forms of media, even rappers. Huh? Like this is a new thing, like "Kramer" pulled this phrase out of his lily white ass? Black people have been casually tossing that word amongst themselves forever, and the Rev just noticed? Give me a break. I mean, I wish rappers would stop shouting and cussing and learn how to croon an actual tune with poetic lyrics, but freedom of speech extends to artistic expression. They can rap, I can tune them out, so I'm not even paying attention to what they call each other. And just because the Rev suddenly decided to make it an issue doesn't mean anyone's gonna stop now. What credentials does the Rev have to influence anyone after he called Jews "Hymies" way back when? The nerve of that guy. Jackson comes off like a pious, pompous blowhard to me now. And I still love "Kramer." In fact, Jackson is acting like that arrogant fool Jackie Chiles to me, while this whole explosive situation is ironically like an epic episode of Seinfeld where a relatively minor misstep spins completely out of control, with ridiculous ramifications. After years of the reverse, Life is finally imitating Seinfeld.

Is Mel Gibson an anti-Semite? Do I care? I can only answer the second question. (NO. The guy hasn't done anything cool since Road Warrior anyway.) I do know Mel is also outspokenly religious and I'm used to religious types not only hating but killing each other, all in the name of their god. Par the course. So I was not shocked or moved by his drunken remarks. Didn't really pay much attention to him before that incident, and I'm in the same place now. I'm a big "Seinfeld" fan so admittedly, this thing hits me closer to home. If Rush Limbaugh had been caught in the same trap, I would've probably dismissed him as a bigoted scumbag. But I do that anyway, especially since he's a fat fucking hypocritical drug addict that actually preaches discrimination against all types of people while he is obviously less than perfect on so many levels. So yes, I am being a bit biased here. Plus I'm white, so it's easier for me accept "Kramer's" assertion the incident was fueled by rage, not racism, because I have no historical context for it. But there's also a larger issue to address, and to me, the real villain here is the media, and guys like the Rev who want to exploit this stuff in order to beef up their street cred. They all got more important shit to cover than the continued humiliation of a desperate comedian in meltdown mode.

Racism is not and has never been a rational response to reality; it's strictly emotional, because it's instinctive (and often culturally conditioned, sad to say), part of the fear mechanism we all have to learn to control. With our brains. Bottom line: "Kramer" got caught on tape in the middle of serious "road rage." Apparently he needs some serious anger management. But you know what? THAT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS. And his outburst was directed at the people in the room, not the entire black race. They're taking offense at a single exchange not directed at them intentionally. Nice to have solidarity in the face of abuse, but I wish people would pick their causes a little more judiciously. Blacks are killing blacks hourly from Oakland to Sudan. "Kramer" didn't kill anybody, except his own legacy, so he's suffering the most here, ultimately, for his fuckup (and don't even get me started on the monetary demands of the "victims" - give me a break, if you heckle or interrupt a performer, you've called him/her out, so if you get insulted in the process and ask for compensation, it smells like a setup and undermines any righteous indignation you may claim). Ultimately all of this is "Kramer's" problem, and it's his responsibility to deal with it, in any way he sees fit. Just like it's our responsibility to rein in our own inner demons, WHICH WE ALL HAVE. Even Al Sharpton has probably uttered racist remarks in private, or said something to someone that insults a group of people, maybe even white people, at some point in his life. He'd be inhuman if he didn't.

People of all stripes need to get off their high moral horse and give "Kramer" a second chance. If someone fucks up and then apologizes profusely and you don't accept it, where does that leave you? Where's the progress, the healing, if you don't mutually agree to acknowledge the fuckup, then MOVE ON. You don't know what's in his heart, and it's unfair to judge anyone absolutely and ignore one's entire contribution to society because of one egregious error in judgment. He's made million of people happy, and that's not something to just write off because of knee jerk sensitivity. Hell, on the same day "Kramer's" secret video was being overplayed in the media, O.J. was back in the news - a black man who slaughtered two white people and is still making bank on it. People suck, people, and that often includes me and you, regardless of ethnic or ethical credentials. Look inside yourselves instead of gleefully reveling in the perceived downfall of others. Take Kramer's Bad Night as a reminder that even comic geniuses and pop culture icons are human, just like you.

Racism will end when we stop identifying ourselves as part of any color group. We're all part of one race, the human race. And that's tough enough. Live and let live, please.

Now, back to my Seinfeld DVDs, already in progress. That is some funny shit. All about the human condition, and how we all are equally pathetic, skin deep. And if anyone thinks I'm going to "boycott" this TV masterpiece, they can kiss my lily white ass.

Peace out, Thrill.

FALL/WINTER 2006: THE THRILL AIN'T GONE

Tiki Noir: Will the Thrill and Monica Tiki Goddess at Forbidden Island, Photos by Jim Ferriera http://www.lafterhall.com/

Sorry I haven't checked into this space for a while. I've been too busy living life to write about it. Last May I went back to Oahu for my fifth wedding anniversary with the magnificent Tiki Goddess. Hawaii was as beautiful as I remember it. The residents there are so god damn nice. You can really tell when you drive around. They actually merge on the freeway, one car at a time. Nobody honks their horn at you, or speeds up at soon as you click your turn signal. They stop to let you turn out of a driveway. Everyone smiles at you. It's like some weird beautiful bizarro paradise parallel universe. Some people say Waikiki is too crowded, but shit, I'll take it ANYday over the insane, rude, migraine-inducing urban sprawl of the Bay Area, LA, etc. It's nothing there by comparison - even during rush hour. Plus the scenery is so much more beautiful and peaceful, it's worth it. And hell, drive five minutes and you're in the jungle or at a remote beach - ALONE. I love Oahu. We also went to Kauai on our honeymoon, which is quietly breathtaking, but this time we just blew our whole bankwad on a week in our fave hotel, the Royal Hawaiian Some notable places to visit if you go to Oahu: '50s landmark Leonard's Bakery for their absolutely orgasmic malasadas, the closest thing to Raquel Welch's pussy you'll ever taste; two awesome restaurants, Sasabune Sushi and Chef Mavro on King St.; the only old school tiki lounge over there, complete with blind piano players, La Mariana, (if they haven't sold it yet, damn it); the new Shag-adelic hipster hangout Tiki's on Waikiki Beach and Lewer's Lounge in the Hotel Halekulani for some cool jazz and cocktails. Also finally got to see and meet Don Ho over there. After surviving radical stem cell surgery in Thailand to save his heart, he looks like an old Filipino guy now, replete with jogging suit and golf hat, but seeing him perform was a perfect addition to our itinerary since he was out of town on our actual honeymoon back in 2001.

I really want to retire to Hawaii someday. Like, sooner than later. I could easily disappear there forever, spend the rest of my life sipping Mai Tais at Jameson's on the North Shore at sunset, or wading knee deep in the soothing blue-green waters off Chinaman's Hat. That is my ambition in Life. In my last column I went on and on about how I wanted to return to my literary roots and get back into writing. Haven't written anything of note since then. I did post an old novel (which I updated), DOWN A DARK ALLEY, in the new FICTION section of my site - to zero feedback. I mean nada. Nobody in the six or so months since I posted that wrote in to tell me they read it, liked it, hated it, whatever. And it's fucking FREE!! That's okay. People simply do not read, by and large. I'll be surprised if anyone is reading this. They like to watch, though. We are one voyeuristic nosy-ass society, ain't we? Non-fiction, in all types of media, has pretty much usurped fiction. Blogs everywhere, all those reality talent shows, YouTube, MySpace, (yes I have my own page, http://www.myspace.com/willthethrillville) etc. Anybody can be a (self) published, self-promoted writer/performer these days, it's no big deal. And yet, with all those millions of online diaries, hardly anyone likes to read. That math just doesn't add up. Go figure.

Anyway, the point is, I can write and get ignored anywhere. Might as well do it in Hawaii, my ultimate destination. The trick is getting Monica to share my enthusiasm. She loves Hawaii, but she is afraid she'd get Island Fever if we actually lived there. Me, I'd dig the relative isolation from the rest of humanity. But she's an actress and wants to be able to spread her thespian wings. She's also into Education. Plus she's a great cook! She is multi-talented and faceted. Compromise: she gets her PHD in Theater here then hopefully a teaching post at U of H later. I have a decade or so to work on her. My ace in the whole is the sushi at Sasabune - the best we've ever had. The chef there is like "the Sushi Nazi" but the Seinfeld reference also relates to the quality of the food. You will take orders and you will love it.

Later in the summer we checked out the MISSION TIKI DRIVE-IN, down in Montclair, smack in the middle of the location for David Lynch's new flick, the Inland Empire - a dusty oasis of pawn shops, strip joints and churches. The Mission Tiki was celebrating its 50th year as a drive-in (it's only recently been tiki-fied) so they had a huge blowout with bands, food, vendors etc and then a triple feature at night, including the 40s jungle thriller Cobra Woman. We also saw Michael Mann's new big screen Miami Vice there, the night before the gala - my fourth time seeing it. I'm a big fan of the TV show and I thought the movie was pretty cool too, more of an update than a flat out remake. Colin Farrell also happened to star in another of my favorite flicks of the year, Ask the Dust, with the sexiest actress in contemporary show biz, Salma Hayek. I know I am in the minority regarding both films but I don't give a shit. For the record I also liked The Notorious Bettie Page, which didn't have Colin Farrell.

Anyway, while down there we stayed in a really cozy little motel in nearby Chino called the BEST WESTERN PINE TREE. For $60 a night you'd think it'd be a redneck hooker's haven but it ain't, it's real nice digs with a clean retro vibe, highly recommended. Even better, right up the street from there was a fantastic Hawaiian restaurant called HONOLULU HARRY'S, sort of like a tiki Applebees but much cooler, great décor, good food and drinks, friendly service. To make the Tiki Road Trip theme complete, on the way we stopped in Rosemead at the legendary BAHOOKA, where my favorite current actor Johnny Depp shot a scene for Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. It is an incredible time warp, a world unto itself, loaded with aquariums, Polynesian pop artifacts, blowfish, nautical memorabilia and more. It's worth the trip, make it.

Tiki bars and drive-ins are both vanishing remnants of a proud, fading history rapidly being replaced by electronic/virtual experience. The Future will be Downloaded. Dig the Cool Past while it's still tangible and flourishing in the underground of our amnesiac culture.

Earlier this year for my 43^rd birthday we went to Disneyland, which is still something of a time capsule, despite its mass mainstream appeal. Had a lot of fun - especially in the relatively un-fucked-with Adventureland, which has two of my favorite attractions, the Tiki Room and the Jungle Cruise. I also dig the Haunted Mansion, we went there like four times in two days. Tomorrowland sucks, but perhaps that is reflective of the present we now live in, which is not the bright, shiny Future the architects of the Past envisioned.

This trip inspired me to come up with my own concept for an amusement park ride (no, not "Thrillville" - there actually is a theme park with that name already, not sanctioned by me, Google "Thrillville" and you'll find us both prominently listed.) My idea is more like "Zombieville" - all inspired by the undead cinema of George A. Romero, the King of Zombies. (Sorry, fanboys, your modern "fast" zombies, or zoombies, are about as scary to me as a game of air hockey). They could do it with all animatronics, like "Pirates of the Caribbean" but way more intense. You'd ride through the various set pieces on a replica of the "Dead Reckoning" anti-zombie tank from Land of the Dead. The first part of the ride would be the graveyard from Night of the Living Dead, with the first zombie trying to break the car windshield with a brick. Then we move on to the house scene, surrounded by zombies. Then the little zombie girl stabbing her mom. Then the black guy getting shot in the head. Next it's the opening ghetto shootout from Dawn of the Dead. The basement feast. The helicopter decapitation. Various mall scenes. The survivors holed up in the attic, with repeated newscasts of doom on the TV. The bikers attacking and getting their guts ripped out and munched on. Then Day of the Dead - the military underground bunker, the zombie roundup in the cages, Bub chained up in the lab, the corpse leaning over the operation table with its guts hanging out, Rhodes getting torn in half - can't you just see it??? And then your Dead Reckoning mini-tank turns into a boat and sails into a big panorama of Fiddler's Green from Land of the Dead - the city under siege on one side, Big Daddy leading his army of zombies through the water on the other. Some are right next to you, trying to grab you....Throughout, the soundtrack music by The Goblins and John Harrison plays in the background, and maybe an original composition we could all sing along to in between screams, "It's a ZOMBIE WORLD after all!"....aw man, it would be a beautiful thing. It would become Pittsburgh's #1 tourist attraction: Romeroland. Deadland. Deadworld. Zombieworld. Whatever. Somebody with money, just DO IT.

Ain't gonna happen. For one thing, it's too close to Reality these days.

Looking through my own ARCHIVES, I sometimes cringe. I sound more like Will the Shrill - bitch, bitch, bitch, and for what? But I leave the archived columns up because they serve as literary snapshots of a certain mood, time and place. It all seems like a bunch of babble to me now, though. People say things changed after 9/11. Yea, they're much worse. Much worse. There I go again.

Don't get me wrong - I haven't changed at all. My politics are the same, I'm just not as hellbent on being so relentlessly, repetitively vociferous about my POV, at least not in a public forum. I don't see the point of repeating the same beliefs over and over. People either agree with my stance, or they don't. Whatever. It's a big, free country and everyone is entitled to their viewpoints and the expression thereof. That doesn't mean we can't find some common ground as human beings. Plus, I'd rather make my points face to face. Or not at all, and just talk B Movies, my absolute favorite topic. People don't need me to make up their minds for them when it comes to politics, religion, or even B Movies. The Left and the Right have never been more transparent - or more interchangeable. All extremists/fundamentalists/close-minded assholes turn me off. I am totally sick of all politicians in this country, on both sides of the fence - assuming that border still exists. Speaking of borders, using the Immigration issue as a political tool only adds to the disgrace of the Katrina aftermath, the Iraq debacle, the coming Iran debacle, etc. NOBODY IN THIS COUNTRY WOULD BE HERE IF IT WASN'T FOR IMMIGRATION, YOU GOD DAMN MORONS! Except for Native Americans - remember them? (I married one. Monica is part Navajo and Mexican, so my white liberal conscience is clean!?) This corrupt, inept Government has turned our once semi-proud nation (ignoring for a moment the myriad injustices done to Indians, blacks, latinos, the poor, women, etc.) into a source of embarrassment and shame. My one hope now is that Hawaii will secede and revert to its original sovereign status. Then I'll defect there in a heartbeat. If they'll have my stupid white imperialist mainland ass. Hey World: Like Bill Maher said, I'M NOT WITH STUPID!

To be fair and balanced, as the hypocrites at Fox News like to say, I will admit this, though: after a disastrous, predictably partisan start and a whole lot of stupid shit, Arnold is finally doing some good things for Kal-ee-forn-ia, and he looks damn slick doing it in those stylish suits. Stem cell research and Global Warming are two crucial issues he's really come through on. I have to give anyone props when they're due. Sure, Arnie is just doing what he has to in order to win re-election in a "blue state," but it's still to our overall benefit. Unlike some (most) other Republicans, even many Democrats (like those who voted for the war), he is willing to actually admit mistakes and buck the party on important social matters that affect us all. If he was an Independent I might even consider voting for him. I know that may alarm some but my choices aren't that enticing, and I'll always vote for the guy with the fairest, most progressive policies. Even though I'm now registered Independent, I'll still have to go with the Democrats for the big offices, even though I'll be holding my nose the whole time. The Republican's social platform, pretty much written by the radical Religious Right, is just too prejudicial, anti-gay, anti-union, anti-social justice, anti-gun control, pro-religion, pro-war, and just plain fascist for me to ever support anyone who supports that party. Arnie stumped for Bush. And he was a total asshole to nurses, cops and firemen, which is unforgivable. Sorry, Arnie, no matter what you do now, unless you publicly reject your boss and kiss the Nurse's Union's ass - literally as well as figuratively - you can't have my vote, not that it will make a difference because Angelides is such a pussy. Look at Joe Lieberman, that whiney bum, booted out by his own party because he refused to take his tongue out of Bush. I never liked that guy, he's too conservative for my tastes (more than Arnie!), and I knew Gore had picked a losing ticket as soon as he announced his VP. But the few guys I do like on the allegedly left side - Russ Feingold, Barack Obama, Wesley Clark, even Gavin Newsome - aren't the faces the Democrats want to put out front in the big races. That's a shame, because I'd really rather not have to vote for Hillary, either, even though she's kinda hot in a bitchy kinda way. Her husband - again? You bet, even with all his myriad flaws (a perfect savior is not realistic, people.). His wife is just too uptight and conservative on too many issues. And again, I can't support anyone who supports this bullshit war, which she does, because if they do, they're supporting the Worst President in Modern History. And I don't want to give that idiot any more power than he's already abusing.

But I really don't want to waste any more of my time and energy bashing Bush. At least no more than necessary, since it's my job as a citizen to speak out. Apathy=Silence=Surrender. If I do spend too much time bashing Bush, an increasingly trendy past-time, I just get upset, to no avail, and then the terrorists truly win. We fun-loving Tiki Pagans are caught in the crossfire of an epic Christian-Muslim war that will go on for decades if not forever. Bush says it's a fight for "Democracy" but by that he obviously means Christianity, at least how he espouses it, and from what I can tell his version would really piss off that peace-loving, cheek-turning hippie called Jesus. Extreme Islam wants to force their doctrine on the rest of the world just like Extreme Christians do - right here in this country. Besides, all intelligent people know that True Democracy and Fundamentalist Religion DO NOT MIX. And both sides of this global conflict are raging radicals. Fuck 'em all, I say. People are naturally entitled to their religious beliefs, just like they're entitled to their musical tastes, whether I share them or not. To me religion is a natural human reaction to our own mortality - it's like a spiritual insurance policy, you just pick whichever plan you can afford and which you believe may personally benefit you the most. But once these insecure wackos try to impose their insurance policy/religious beliefs on anyone else, they're more than pushy door-to-door salesmen, they're straight-up Fascists, plain and simple. So have at it, "true believers." Kill each other in the name of your angry, vengeful, intolerant gods. But leave me out of it. My gods are totally chill and reject that sort of retro behavior.

Anyway, I'm done ranting for now. My life's good and I have no right to complain. The CERRITO SPEAKEASY is ready to swing - a whole new venue and audience to fuck with, and Thrillville will be busier than ever. And until I make it to Hawaii, I'm happy here on the island of Alameda, home to best tiki bar in the world, Forbidden Island

And home is where ever the Tiki Goddess and our two cats, Chungking and Tiki, happen to be. That's where I'll always hang my fez. ("But c'mon, baby, U of H is a GREAT school!, they have more live jazz in the islands than they do in New York, and the SUSHI, remember...?!")

Hm, maybe I could open the WAIKIKI SPEAKEASY THEATER: picture, pub, pizza - and poi? Mai Tais instead of beer! We'll see.

I'll update this space again in a few months or so, if I feel so inspired. I also plan to still do about 10 shows a year, at least, at both the Parkway and the Cerrito. Meantime, I'll keep in touch with you Thrill Seekers via my newsletter . A lot of what I said here, like my zombie theme park idea and details about my Hawaiian vacation, is already old news to anyone already subscribed. I really have nothing new to say, obviously. But I have a lot of new things to live. So do you. Live, and let live, I always say. Unless you're a zombie, of course.

Thanks to my man MICHAEL DEWEIL for all the hard work on the Thrillville and Speakeasy sites, and for posting this column gratis. He also thinks Van Morrison should stay true to his roots and fire the new band, except for his daughter who rocks.